You
might be an engineer...
If you
stare at an orange juice container simply because it says CONCENTRATE.
If your
wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50.
If you
introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife."
If your
spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
If you
look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.
If, at
Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burned-out
bulb in the string.
If you
have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and
taping ducts.
If your
idea of a fun evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi
movie looking for technical inaccuracies.
If you
don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is.
If you
have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven.
If you
know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
If you
ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.
If you
have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
If you
have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is."
If you
still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.
If you
rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
If you
have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread
into charcoal.
If you
have more toys than your kids.
If you
need a checklist to turn on the TV.
If you
have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
If your
I.Q. number is bigger than your weight.
If you can
remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary.
If you can
type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.
If you
have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
If you
spend more on your home computer than your car.
If you
know what http:/ stands for.
If your
lap-top computer costs more than your car.
If the
only jokes you receive are through e-mail.
Immutable
Laws of Project Management
LAW
1: No major project is ever completed on time, within budget, with the
same staff that started it, nor does the project do what it is supposed to do.
It is highly unlikely that yours will be the first.
Corollary
1: The benefits will be smaller than initially estimated, if estimates were made
at all.
Corollary
2: The system finally installed will be completed late and will not do what it
is supposed to do.
Corollary
3: It will cost more but will be technically successful.
LAW
2: One advantage of fuzzy project objectives is that they let you avoid
embarrassment in estimating the corresponding costs.
LAW
3: The effort required to correct a project that is off course increases
geometrically with time.
Corollary
1: The longer you wait the harder it gets.
Corollary
2: If you wait until the project is completed, its too late.
Corollary
3: Do it now regardless of the embarrassment.
LAW
4: The project purpose statement you wrote and understand will be seen
differently by everyone else.
Corollary
1: If you explain the purpose so clearly that no one could possibly
misunderstand, someone will.
Corollary
2: If you do something that you are sure will meet everyone's approval, someone
will not like it.
LAW
5: Measurable benefits are real. Intangible benefits are not measurable,
thus intangible benefits are not real.
Corollary
1: Intangible benefits are real if you can prove that they are real.
LAW
6: Anyone who can work effectively on a project part-time certainly does
not have enough to do now.
Corollary
1: If a boss will not give a worker a full-time job, you shouldn't either.
Corollary
2: If the project participant has a time conflict, the work given by the full-time
boss will not suffer.
LAW
7: The greater the project's technical complexity, the less you need a
technician to manage it.
Corollary
1: Get the best manager you can. The manager will get the technicians.
Corollary
2: The reverse of corollary 1 is almost never true.
LAW
8: A carelessly planned project will take three times longer to complete
than expected. A carefully planned project will only take twice as long.
Corollary
1: If nothing can possibly go wrong, it will anyway.
LAW
9: When the project is going well, something will go wrong.
Corollary
1: When things cannot get any worse, they will.
Corollary
2: When things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
LAW
10: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly
manifests their lack of progress.
LAW
11: Projects progress rapidly until they are 90 percent complete. Then
they remain 90 percent complete forever.
LAW
12: If project content is allowed to change freely, the rate of change
will exceed the rate of progress.
LAW
13: If the user does not believe in the system, a parallel system will be
developed. Neither system will work very well.
LAW
14: Benefits achieved are a function of the thoroughness of the post-audit
check.
Corollary
1: The prospect of an independent post-audit provides the project team with a
powerful incentive to deliver a good system on schedule within budget.
LAW
15: No law is immutable.
Top
Ten Reasons To Date an Engineer
1.
The world does revolve around us... We pick the coordinate system.
2.
Find out what those other buttons on your calculator do.
3.
We know how to handle stress and strain in our relationships.
4.
Parents will approve
5.
Help with your math homework.
6.
Can calculate head pressure.
7.
Looks good on a resume.
8.
Free body diagrams.
9.
High starting salary.
10.
Extremely good looking
Top
10 reasons for becoming an engineer
10.
I want to drive a train
9.
Like being on the extended 6 year graduation program
8.
To learn what real stress is
7.
Thought the computers in Butler were color TV's
6.
Can't make a decision without the use of 3 equations
5.
Who needs a social life?
4.
Already have a low GPA
3.
Thought the use of Free Body Diagrams was a good idea
2.
Already have insomnia
1.
To test Lim ENG = McCool School of Business
GPA=>0
